It takes courage to reveal the innermost workings of your mind to another in a therapeutic relationship. However, it takes a whole new level of courage to admit to yourself that not only is it time to sort out the 'stuff' that's getting in the way of loving yourself without condition, but also acknowledging what it is and where it came from.
Set yourself free
So often, the things that hold you back are the things that have kept you safe; your hidden shield. They protected you in some way, kept you where you (perhaps thought you) wanted to be. It feels comfortable, it's what you know; sometimes like a pair of fluffy slippers, other times like a strict parent enforcing the rules.
It feels safe.
You know who you are and where you stand, even when it's painful. Even when you can feel a destructive force at play. It feels far better to be within the boundaries you know than to be set free.
“I’m scared, who will I be without all this pain?”
You will be the most amazing version of you.
Connect the pieces
For many, it is hard to see the connection between what keeps you safe, albeit unhealthily, and what you need to let go of. Once acknowledged, it's obvious; a real light bulb moment occurs. It is so important to not just see how they are connected but to look at how it has served you during this time in the emotional wilderness.
What did you needed protecting from and what do you stand to lose or gain if that shield isn't there?
Remember, you have so much to gain by dropping your shield and stepping out of that rusty armour, allowing yourself to see how amazing you really are. Allow the world to see your true self in all its beauty and majesty. Marvel at how well you looked after yourself, meeting your needs in the only way you knew how. Acknowledging that it served you well, but that it no longer serves you now.
Now is your time to shine.
Enlist support – step out of the shadow
The next step is the most crucial. It is your life's quest. Stand tall and proud, congratulate yourself for stepping forward, out of the shadows and into the bright sunlight. Look around you.
Seek out new, healthy ways of serving your own needs.
If you don't yet know how to do this, then reach out. Find the right coach for you. Someone who has been there, knows of your pain, and is now living a life filled with self love. A coach to be your advocate and biggest supporter, to offer you hope and hold space while you grow into your most authentic self. The right coach will help you identify the limiting beliefs that hold you back, gently and effectively releasing them, cheering you on to the finishing line.
We all need a helping hand when life’s contrast challenges us. The right coach will show you positive ways of thinking, strategies to build personal resilience and the tools to lead the life of self love that you so want and deserve.
Rejoice in your new life. Search for all that is good, every day. Know that you can change. Take comfort in the knowledge that if I can change, then so can you.
You deserve to live your best life.
Reach out, we can walk this path together.
Blessings and love
Have you seen the film Ground Hog Day, where the lead character gets stuck in a time loop and has to keep living the same day over and over again? Perhaps this is your life right now?
For so many years my life was like the worst kind of ground hog day. I found myself in the same situations over and over again. None of it good, feeling worse and worse as time went on. Sometimes I'd think I'd cracked it, only to find myself back to square one. It affected all areas of my life and how I felt; I’d despairingly berate myself for 'failing' and 'being useless'.
What’s your movie like?
Being stuck in your own ground hog day movie isn't good. You feel stuck, like nothing is working, it eats away at your confidence and self esteem. No matter what you do, you just can’t get out. It feels like you’re stuck in a loop, constantly rewinding and replaying.
Is your movie...
A tragedy, filled with heartaches, drama and problems of every kind imaginable
A comedy of errors, where the characters get in and out of one jam after another
A mediocre, low-budget film nobody would remember the following week
Positive Ground Hog Day
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your ground hog day movie was a beautiful masterpiece, so magnificent that it uplifts, inspires and empowers you?
Well, believe it or not, the choice is yours.
You don’t have to be stuck watching the same depressing movie for the rest of your life.
Change the movie
I bet you’re thinking, ‘Of course I want to change my movie but I don’t know how.’ The remote control in your hand right now and all you need do is press STOP, and EJECT the old movie and PLAY your new one.
This is technique is called the STOP! System, it is very powerful in helping you to make lasting change in how you think and feel.
S - STOP! Interrupt old habitual patterns of response. Buy time to consciously replace unhelpful thoughts and beliefs with new, life enhancing self statements. Generate new neural pathways and patterns of thinking.
T - Take a step back. Your extraordinary human brain has the unique ability to be able to shift perception; to see things from another point of view; to step back from itself and become an observer of both thought and action.
O - Observe. From your observing self, notice what your internal dialogue is and what effect that has on how you feel, both physically and emotionally. Notice how that affects your behaviour.
P - Practise emotional intelligence. Negative thinking is nothing more than a bad habit. And like any bad habit, it can be changed with conscious and deliberate effort.
STOP! will release you from the prison of your illusions. The good news is you can change your behaviours. All you have to do is change your mind!
Looking at each area of your life, decide what isn’t working for you or is holding you back. Areas to consider may include:
· relationships and friendships
· limiting thoughts
· beliefs about yourself or the world
· past traumas
· the work you do
· where you live
Decide what you can let go of right now and what you want to work towards.
Starting small is ok!
Perhaps you’ll say a polite ‘no’ to something you do only because you feel obligated, or maybe you’ll choose to spend less time with people who bring you down rather than lift you up.
This is about moving forward, about actually making those changes in your life. You know what you want to change, so now it’s time to start making it happen. Easier said than done, you say? Here are my top 3 recommendations…
1 – Consciously choose to change; you’ll be surprised at how powerful it is (I can still remember the day I consciously chose happiness!). Then remind yourself each day of what you stand to gain.
2 – Use Emotional Freedom Technique (also known as EFT or Tapping) to change how you feel about your past, your present and your future. Have the tools to take back control of your emotional and physical health and wellbeing. Work with a practitioner or join a local group for the best results.
3 – Change one thing at a time; that way, you don’t feel overwhelmed and give up. Start small, give yourself time to adapt.
It may feel like there’s a lot to change, or that you won’t be able to do it by yourself so break it down into small chunks then decide on a plan of action. Start off with the easier stuff. Enlist the help of supportive friends and family or reach out to me for support.
If I can change, then so can you. Come on, do it, I believe in you!
Love and blessings, Gill xx
“I just love being around Gill, her energy is amazing, she positively sparkles. She’s a positive delight to be around and her big smile always makes me want to giggle even when I've been feeling very sad.
I always feel supported, understood and cared for by Gill. She has so much empathy and intuition and quickly helped me get to the bottom of things. I really feel I could trust her with my innermost secrets; working with her has helped me understand myself and healed many of my deepest wounds.
I highly recommend Gill as a professional and caring coach, she is highly trained and knowledgeable and uses a variety of different techniques in the sessions.”
"Amazing results, really, honestly, I have been so fortunate to work with you. So grateful to you Gill for your wonderful calm, gentle manner and your talent in getting me to talk, not difficult about most subjects except when it comes to talking about myself."
“I had almost always been successful at interviews in the past but, after being made redundant from a middle management job I loved, in a quite brutal process, this was no longer the case. I had several interviews but kept coming a "close second" and each setback left me feeling more and more anxious and disheartened. Usually, I think my colleagues would describe me as upbeat and positive. When two lots of interview feedback was around my low enthusiasm levels I realised that I was not presenting the real me at interviews. Having had an amazing session with Gill a couple of years before I approached her for a coaching session.
Firstly, Gill tapped into my inner demons and left me feeling calmer than I had for weeks. She then worked on my positivity, using a visualisation technique I could practice just before an interview. The following week I had two interviews and, after Gill’s help, I felt really confident going into them. I was delighted to be offered both jobs, including one that I really wanted. Seeing Gill made such a difference and was well worth the investment as it helped me to secure an interesting, well-paid job again. I cannot recommend her highly enough.”