 I’m not good enough.
What I do isn’t good enough. I'm a perfectionist. It has to be perfect. I have to be perfect. I’m not good enough. What if I could be good enough. Maybe I am good enough. Maybe what I do is good enough. What I do is good enough. I am good enough. I AM ENOUGH. Same coin, two sides. Always feeling like you’re not good enough. Doing more. Trying to BE more. Working harder, longer. Pushing yourself. Pushing others. Relentless pursuit of the goal. Over achieving. Accolades. Praise. Recognition. Promotion. Momentary satisfaction. It's never enough. Still feeling you’re not good enough. Still believing you’re not good enough. Money, possessions, holidays, homes, cars, body perfection, insta-perfect lives. I’m not good enough. Self-restriction. Over exercise. Health obsession. Unrelenting standards. Perfectionism. Still I’m not good enough. Flip the coin over. Moving from one thing to another. Never feeling like it’s the right thing. Always doing the wrong thing. Second guessing. Doubting decisions. Seeking reassurance. Needing external validation. Trying to please the emotionally absent parent, trying even harder, still not feeling recognised, not seen, not heard, no voice, not loved. How could I ever be enough. You learnt how to love from your parents. They learned from their parents. And they learned from theirs. You followed the roles assigned by your family. Good daughter Dutiful wife Supportive sister Helpful grandchild The brainy one The creative one The naughty one The useless one The good one The difficult one The wild one The stupid one The troubled one What is my identity, who am I. You had to be Quiet Good Seen and not heard Compliant Obedient Unquestioning Different Clever In order to be loved I am trying. Am I still not enough. I don’t know who I am Can I ever be enough Am I enough to be loved Pain, confusion, frustration, anger, sadness, grief. Who should I be. I don't know who I am. Who do I even want to be. Sorrow. Wounds that rip open the heart with every teardrop. Desire for change, unchartered waters. A siren's call onto the rocks of your life. Beliefs breaking apart, revealing their bounty. Lights from the shore, revealing the shadows. Exploring magical places long forgotten. Hope, possibilities, nourishment, trust, choices. It matters not who others think I am. I am not their labels. Whoever I am. I choose me. I don't need to be perfect. I only need to be me. I remember now. I've always been enough. I am enough. I am me. I am trust. I am hope. I am self love.
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“I just love being around Gill, her energy is amazing, she positively sparkles. She’s a positive delight to be around and her big smile always makes me want to giggle even when I've been feeling very sad. I always feel supported, understood and cared for by Gill. She has so much empathy and intuition and quickly helped me get to the bottom of things. I really feel I could trust her with my innermost secrets; working with her has helped me understand myself and healed many of my deepest wounds. I highly recommend Gill as a professional and caring coach, she is highly trained and knowledgeable and uses a variety of different techniques in the sessions.” Michelle, UK "Amazing results, really, honestly, I have been so fortunate to work with you. So grateful to you Gill for your wonderful calm, gentle manner and your talent in getting me to talk, not difficult about most subjects except when it comes to talking about myself." Lisa, UK “I had almost always been successful at interviews in the past but, after being made redundant from a middle management job I loved, in a quite brutal process, this was no longer the case. I had several interviews but kept coming a "close second" and each setback left me feeling more and more anxious and disheartened. Usually, I think my colleagues would describe me as upbeat and positive. When two lots of interview feedback was around my low enthusiasm levels I realised that I was not presenting the real me at interviews. Having had an amazing session with Gill a couple of years before I approached her for a coaching session. Firstly, Gill tapped into my inner demons and left me feeling calmer than I had for weeks. She then worked on my positivity, using a visualisation technique I could practice just before an interview. The following week I had two interviews and, after Gill’s help, I felt really confident going into them. I was delighted to be offered both jobs, including one that I really wanted. Seeing Gill made such a difference and was well worth the investment as it helped me to secure an interesting, well-paid job again. I cannot recommend her highly enough.” Pamela, UK
April 2020
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